– Cocktail garnish: 0. Nostrils: 2.
“I want to be the flower police woman.”
– All bad arrangements are under arrest.
“I don’t generally have such fuck fuck days.”
– This means bad bad, not sexy sexy.
“Does it smell like reincarnated bacon?”
🐷 or 🏈 ?
“You’re gonna be like those old men on The Muppets in the cacklebox.”
– Apparently my eyebrows have reached puppet-like proportions and it’s no laughing matter.
“See, movies were better back then. They didn’t have all these guns and whores and beat ’em ups.”
– ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
“I feel like I have bacon oil up my nose because all I small is bacon.”
– Don’t let your Neti pot run dry. Bacon Oil. Now available in 6oz, 12oz and our new Jumbo 1-gallon jugs.
“That kitchen is a jerk!”
– Corner cabinets can, in fact, be real assholes to deal with.
“Do you ever get hungry but you don’t have an appetite?”
– She has a taste for nonsense.
“You got shit fast.”
– At least one of us drank too much too quickly.
“It’s amazing how beer is really about the weather.”
– Cold weather: Chimay. Hot weather: Corona. See?